[IELTS] WRITING_task 2_Men and women are capable of doing all jobs equally well.

Answer : 286 words 교정 전

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Answer : words 교정 후

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Intro
In some sense, it is true that if women and men have the same abilities, they can do the job identically regardless of gender. However, Although both genders are able and skillful in doing jobs in the same way, I believe that there are more favorable and essential jobs suitable for each gender.

Body 1: Why men and women are capable of doing all jobs equally well

Main Idea
Reason 1 + extension/example
Reason 2 + extension/example
Summary

Honestly, Clearly, it is undeniable that what companies require is not gender, but particular abilities/qualifications. That means whoever meets the requirements for jobs can have fruitful results and they can upgrade their skills with efforts. For instance, when a company has a presentation project, the company expects its employees to finish the presentation well. When it comes to a successful result, it depends on the speaker’s capabilities such as making materials, public speaking skill and confidence. Thus, a person with a high-level of them can work smoothly and finely in his or her workplace regardless of their gender.

- Honestly : 내 의견에 호소할 때 사용 -> Clearly
- companies : 대중적인 상황에서 사용할 때는 단수가 아닌 복수로 써주기
- efforts : uncountable noun -> effort

Body 2: there are suitable jobs for each gender

Despite the reasons above, I support that the fundamental physical and scientific differences can lead to gender-specific performance gaps in certain workplaces. Compared In terms of physical conditions, men are superior to women in work tasks that require good physical strength such as moving heavy pieces of equipment or materials stuffs and laboring all day in outside. In addition, genetically, women are better multitaskers than men because women could use right and left brains properly when working, while men usually could solely use the left brain. Due to that, the jobs which demands quantities of projects simultaneously on for a limited period are suitable for women, not men.

- Despite the reasons above = In spite of the above mentioned views/ notwithstanding the above-mentioned/ despite the aforementioned views/ against this background/ notwithstanding what has just been said
- Compared : 중간에 들어가 비교할 때 사용, 첫 문장엔 잘 사용 x -> In terms of
- stuff -> equipment ( uncountable noun ; pieces of 로 양 표현해주기) , materials
- simultaneously = at the same time
- quatities of projects -> Multiple tasks
- in outside : in 을 앞에 써줄 필요 x
- 주어 동사 수 일치 시켜주기

Conclustion

To sum up, I partly agree that if a worker have has the necessary skill, it brings about good outcomes regardless of whether he is a man or woman. However, I am sure that the difference in gender performance caused by physical and scientific reasons definitely happen in the workplace.

- 주어 동사 수 일치
- I'm -> I am
- Men and women / Boys and girls / Males and females : Ladies and gentlemen 를 제외한 말은 남성 먼저 말한다.

Intro :
Paraphrase + Although ______________, I believe that ________________..

Body 1:
Clearly, Undoubtedly, It is clear that, Evidently, There is no doubt that , Without a doubt

Body 2:
In spite of the above mentioned views/ notwithstanding the above-mentioned/ despite the aforementioned views/ against this background/ notwithstanding what has just been said

Conclusion:
To sum up/ To surmise/ In summary/ In conclusion

Or

in spite of the fact that + body 1 main idea, + body 2 idea

In conclusion, body 1 idea. Body 2 idea